i took the initiative to talk to gabe friday. his close friend said that gabe would be too shy to speak up first so i figured i might as well just have a casual convo with him so he doesn't think im holding a grudge against him because he broke up with me. it was a good convo about physics since we have that class together. nothing about our past but i was genuinely smiling because of how well i was presenting myself to him. aka not the girl who is begging for him to come back. after all he was a


so i just got back from work and had a real convo with my co worker allie who is also in my grade/school. we're friends with the same people but we never met or knew eachother formally till i started working at hollister. she brought up gabe, i had to fill her in, and she pointed out sooooooo many things that shouldve triggered the relationship as bad from the start.  i feel totally stupid for not realizing it too. so here's some of em:

1) forget him if he doesnt come up with the date idea or money on the first date
2) leave him if he doesnt call at all
3) boyfriends who ONLY text and NEVER call are IFFY

in other words, gabe wasnt boyfriend material.

allie's happily in love with her marine boyfriend and knows what she's doing. i hope i become closer friends with her. she's cool and i feel like a goody two shoes sometimes when i talk to her. i REALLLY gotta change that about myself.

*SIGH MUCH!*

well, im not settling everrrrrr again. i cant believe it took me 3 months to feel free.
no more hurtful memories or unfulfilled longings. i am liberated from all this emotional weight.

and now i can say...

hey there. you can call me Tina. I'm 17, a senior in high school, and definitely lost.
On the outside, im seen as this sweet good girl. I'm in two AP classes and the rest all honors. It's no big deal to me but other people think so. I cant imagine what they think of the kids who are like in all AP classes... MAJOR HEADACHE ferr suree. I work at Hollister, I have a pretty decent car, and I'm raised in a good environment. No smoking, no drinking, church... you know, the good girl stuff.

(ehh)

Then there's the other side that of me that people don't see from my talent of playing guitar and writing songs to one of my deepest secrets... im b u l i m i c.

i'm trying to stop that though...


thennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn i have these other problemos </3:
the first bf and first bf ever was when i was 12. we didnt know what the hell we were supposed to do. i broke up with him because i thought that he didnt like me anymore since he wouldnt talk to me. did i mention that it was on aim AND he didnt even have my phone number? ps, turns out that he was just playing video games all the time and was crushed when i broke up with him. yet last summer he falls for my sister! fuck you Brian, you just made every memory of us illegit.

the second was when i was 14. childhood friend, it was inevitable that we'd be bf and gf at some point. well he was still hung up over his first gf ever, Pearl, and after two weeks of listening to him talk about her constantly and asking ME what he should get her for her birthday... i ended it. that was definitely the WORST BREAKUP EVER because i cried from 5pm to 7am in the morning. I WAS A TERRIBLE MESS... we still talk, he still misses me and realizes what he lost... i've moved on.

the third, but actually FIRST real relationship was last June, i was 17 and with the greatest guy ever  Gabe. His name still stings my heart. He broke up with me ...
When my friend's boyfriend heard the reason to why we broke up, he said:


normally i'd get over it. i've been rejected before, yadiyatayahhh
BUT (yeah, there's always a "but")